Monday, August 18, 2008

KNOCK KNOCK, GO AWAY

I don't know what it is about living in Paris, but I have had it with people knocking on my door with a variety of disconcerting situations. I am a calm and peaceful musician who keeps a quiet home but in the seven months I've been in Paris, the ONLY times I have had an unexpected visitor it has been.....
KNOCK KNOCK, it's the police!
KNOCK KNOCK, it's a lawyer!
KNOCK KNOCK, you're evicted!
KNOCK KNOCK, it's some official looking guy and I have no idea what you're saying!

KNOCK KNOCK = BAD.

What happened to KNOCK KNOCK, here's a present!
Or KNOCK KNOCK, I'm your new neighbor and here's a pie!
Or flowers?
Or I won the lottery?
Or sign this petition?
ANYTHING!

9:32AM
Doorbell rings in our new apartment. My stomach does a triple axel as I vomit out....
"OH MY GOD, I HEAR MEN OUTSIDE THE DOOR. OH MY GOD, OH MY GOD!"
What NOW? Am I murder suspect? We just GOT here! I haven't even finished painting!
My instinct to clean kicks in as I run hyperventilating for the sponge and soapy water. FB answers the door and engages in what is seemingly an endless conversation with two men. I furiously focus my terror into last night's dishes and die inside as I wait for a search and seizure. I try helplessly to understand the conversation but the fight or flight (or clean) instinct clearly overpowers French as all my mind can do is put "OH MY GOD!" on an ever-increasing volume loop. FB returns and calmly explains it was the EDF and they had come to turn off all our electric.
Naturally.
????
Just add "KNOCK KNOCK, no lights for you!!" to our list of friendly visitors.
Evidently they got the wrong floor and shut off ours instead of the downstairs neighbors.
Thanks for the joke, EDF.
Hilarious.

You know, one of these days I'm going to actually get a flower delivery and begin to erase my Pavlov's Dog terror of anyone at my front door in France = RUN. I unpacked my ninja mask this week so until those flowers get here, I am answering all future inquiries like this.......CAN I HEEEEEEEEELP YOU?

2 comments:

sydonie said...

HAHAHA! So funny! I totally identify.

Kimberly said...

Dana, I've been known to cower in my bedroom, on the floor under a blanket, hoping whoever (whomever ?) is at the door will go away. LOL