Monday, May 05, 2008


I just returned from Savate class and on my walk back, I decided my new competitor/fighting name will be The Silent Vomit.
Disgusting, distracting and DEADLY.
All at the same time.
NOTE TO SELF: Satin red cape.

All morning my stomach was in knots about going to class today....I lost my appetite worrying about if I'll understand anything, maybe it will be just me, what if I have to speak French again, what if what if what if, blah blah blah blah. Even though I really liked the class last time, even though I spoke only French for the past four days straight and I am feeling more confident. Logic defies my frequent nerve flare ups but it is nothing new to me as it's been the same story my whole life. Whether it's a test in school, a performance of any kind, making cold phone calls, starting a new job, sport, etc. And in the case of France, add the following to the list...going to the grocery store, meeting new people or basically any activity that involves leaving the apartment in any way. They all follow the same steps, sometimes I'll mix and match them just to shake things up a little but here's what it usually involves:

1. Break out in hives
2. Freak out (internally or externally depending on who is around)
3. Tears (either cry profusely or in small whimpers)
4. Lose appetite
5. Silently vomit
6. Sudden fatigue

I am a master at making myself physically ill. I could never ever fake being sick, even as a child. I always have to subconsciously take it to the umpteenth degree for "believability". The flip side of this is that I can also make myself NOT sick and I am extremely good at walking off any illness or pain. It's a trade off, I suppose. These days I just treat my nerve explosions like an annoying tick...yeah, one that makes me cry and vomit, but whatever. If I repeat an activity enough, it usually gets better.
You know why?
What would The Silent Vomit do?
Silently vomit and KEEP MOVING before you can ask "what the hell is that horrible smell????"
Let me tell you mi amigo, that was me.
Silently vomiting my way to the day at a time.

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