Thursday, July 03, 2008


If you ever decide to move apartments across town in Paris, don't try and use the metro as part of your moving plan (especially during rush hour and on the hottest day of the year)...think it over again and choose something else, like maybe hire some movers or, I don't know...get a van or truck? Using the Paris metro as a moving truck is better known as "the most retarded, inefficient and painful way to move." WHO moves by hauling large garbage bags with crap falling out of them onto the metro? I'll tell you who does. Complete morons who didn't plan right. I don't know why we ended up dragging giant suitcases and various bags of junk down the 68 steps of our apartment, into the subway at 8AM, pushed and shoved out of three different hot and miserable trains, across town, then up the 104 steep steps to the new apartment. Multiple times. For 12 hours.

Uh.....we waited til the last minute and couldn't find a truck?

I tried to calculate the number of steps I climbed yesterday but I stopped counting after 1000. Why even bother at that point? As I made the last trip by myself at 9PM, I had to pull from the bottom of my very soul to find the energy to drag the last two giant garbage bags, one of which had a vacuum cleaner awkwardly sticking out of it and busting the plastic.
61, 62, 63, 64....go, go, go, you can do it, you can do it...65, 66, 67, 68....what would Bruce Lee do? ...72, 73, 74,'re a ninja, you're a ninja, you're a ninja.....92, 93, 94...

As I Rambo-d it down my new street, a short girl wearing dark sunglasses and pouty lips was doing the sexy prancy walk up the sidewalk in my direction. She saw me coming, my face in a crazy grimace, grunting, sweat pouring off me, body shaking, one giant plastic bag on each shoulder with various plastic pieces falling out. As I approached, she made no move whatsoever to get out of my way. I was kind of stunned because I SAW what I looked like yesterday and it is very close to "completely and utterly insane." If I saw me coming down the sidewalk, I would have crossed the street. Maybe it was the fact she was wearing sunglasses on a cloudy night but she didn't move, I didn't move and the bag with the vacuum cleaner slammed into her as we collided. Neither one of us broke speed or looked back (at least I didn't look back). For the first time all day, I broke into a smile.

It was actually a pretty fun day.


ellemabelle said...

I've been in the middle of a film production and dragging stuff down the street too... it is not just that people won't move... they put themselves right in the way... I think just to see if you will knock them out of the way.

KFD said...

Haha, good to know it's not just me!

Anonymous said...

A big wave and a cheery hello from Singapore.

You're a brilliant raconteur. You most certainly have a way with words.

You may like to know that your posts often bring smiles to my face.

Kudos and thank you for brightening my drab and dreary days.

Q8-) Your fan

Misplaced said...

I moved from the 15th to the 4th the same way. It wasn't until I read your post that I realized how idiotic it least get a cab for all the shit.

Anonymous said...

I once packed hundreds of books in boxes designed to hold (light and airy) cases of cigarettes. It took 2 people to carry them, and the bottom fell out of each one at some point on the way from one apartment to the other. Books smashed down on our toes, skittered down the stairs, fell into the gutter, tripped passers by and woke the new neighbors.

Moving = Hell

Love your blog.

kristen said...

what a nightmare - omg

but welcome home!
post photos of new place!


KFD said...

Ha, thanks for the compliments and I love the other moving hell stories!

Jessica Mordo said...

hey there, i'm also an american blogger in paris represented on the paris blog. great blog! (how many times did i just type some form of the word 'blog'?) my site:

totally relate to the aggravating obliviousness of people on the streets here. i've encountered this variety: they stop right in front of you to pick their nose or something, not moving out of the way, and then get annoyed when you accidentally knock into them. hilarious.

congrats on your move :)

- jessica

Anonymous said...

Hurrah, you did it (could have been worse, by the way : a strike in the "Metropolitain") ! Enjoy your new place, Dana, and crossing my fingers for the coming show ;-)


Adrianne's Blog said...

i think this is a cosmopolitan urban phenomenon....the not moving out of your way thing. It does happen in NYC though, Dana....especially in the upper east side. The other day I was trying to get down the tight subway stairs with my giant messenger bag filled with martial arts gear....and tried being as conscious of my space as possible. This one idiot was walking up trying to type on his blackberry, walking up the center of the stairs, instead of the right side...where all the other UP people were walking. I knew he was going to walking into my bag. I watched it happen. The blackberry falling out of his hands. Him shouting out to me as I continued..."You bitch"...I replied, "What did I actually do?" and just went on my merry way....smiling. xoxo

jessica said...

oh my friend, you should've had liam help you!!!!