Thursday, July 17, 2008

STEP IT UP

HER
I knew the moment she stepped onto the metro, she was going to sit right next to me. Her hair in a perfect ponytail, bangs in a perfect line, skin aglow and makeup parfait, stylin' minidress, clanky yet understated and therefore chic bracelets, tanned legs, summery strappy heels, manicure/pedicure and an easy oh so breezy attitude. All eyes on the train turned towards her as she slowly and gracefully sat down next to...

ME
Five days unwashed hair in an uncombed mess of what could loosely be described as a "ponytail", fucked up bangs in an 80s hair horror across my forehead, unshowered, no makeup, unstylish yoga pants with a skirt on over the top, old t-shirt, old Converse sneakers, a granny sweater and a ripped gym bag to carry all my Savate gear in.
Hot. I know.

As the entire train stared at the perfection sitting next to me, I thought to myself "hmmm...did I even brush my teeth this morning?" I looked at the various sets of eyes gazing at her, then quickly glancing at me, then back to her. Yeah, yeah people, I get it. I look even more homeless sitting next to HER and she looks even more glamorous sitting next to ME. Quelle surprise. I glanced over her shoulder as she pulled out a date book filled with loopy girly writing of all her activities and she carefully ran a manicured hand down her busy busy schedule that day. I rolled my eyes. All that was missing was 11:48AM - make smelly hippie girl on #4 train realize she could stand to step it up a notch or ten and stop it already with the homeless look.

So I decided to do the most immature thing I could think of. I pulled out my gym bag, pretended to search for something at the bottom and let my boxing gloves "accidentally" fall onto the floor, coughed loudly and then proceeded to put them back as slowly and conspicuously as I could so as many people could notice them as humanly possible. Why? Because I'm retarded and immature and it made me and my fuzzy teeth feel better. After class I went home and dug around my closet for my one pair of heels I have here. I'm wearing them out tonight...complete with gym sock marks, mosquito bite scabs and some leftover pedicure from February.
Hot. I know.

7 comments:

kristen said...

you RULE. only thing that is worse is stylish french moms on the playground with perfect hair, etc. and children with adorable clothes and shoes with not a single stain - cut to me - unshowered, gross with little sidekick covered in peas in tow...sigh

Anonymous said...

You crack me up.

Patricia said...

Now .. THAT WAS FUNNY!!!
Oh how I relate..UNFORTUNATELY

Anonymous said...

[looking past your cute feet...] holy crap, is that the view out your window? where (approx) do you live? My view in the 19eme is a wall which reflects the sound of my neighbors' squabbling....

oh, and, at least you weren't actively pissing or retching in the metro. Parisians put up with WAY too much filth in their city, so anyone who feels like a dirty hippy can feel a lot better about themselves on the metropolitan.

love ur site,
Chien Andalou

avec amy said...

That is hilarious. Oh, how many times I've had the same feeling. Before moving here, I told all my friends in San Francisco that I was going to start over, the "Paris me". It never happened. In fact, I think I dress worse now than before. But good for you, go get 'em!

ChezLait said...

MDR... I think that those easy breezy beautiful girls start their beauty prep at 5am everyday. Did you see that penciled into her notebook?

MATTHEW ROSE said...

So, did you get her number or what?