Wednesday, January 09, 2008


Woke up this morning to a cold, dark and rainy morning. Had dreams last night of various objects going down in balls of flames...started off with an airplane (obviously), moved on to my stuffed animal collection I had as a child (easy breezy - lost childhood, duh), then to a blazing robot with red mittens and an eyepatch (caaaan't quite figure that one out yet). It all wrapped up nicely with my career along with all my hopes and dreams going down in a giant orange, smoldering blaze of failed glory.
Opening my eyes I think to myself, ' this maybe a sign of stress?'. Shrugging it on, I decided today would be a good day to sink into a depression so I chose not to shower, put on my stinky "It's Go Time!" shirt, made some watered down coffee and cried in front of the mirror a few times to get the day off on the right foot and to also to practice looking as pathetic as possible. As I sat dutifully ignoring my piles of work and googling Britney Spears, I was hit with a sudden light from the windows. My eyes squint in pain as the sun has chosen to bust through the gray Paris sky and hit my grease and dried tear-ridden face with a sudden burst of happiness.
I am immediately enraged.
What the FUCK, Paris?
What the FUCK?!
You sneaky bastard city. You were really working with me this morning. I was 110% committed, dedicated and totally focused on being a sniveling, self deprecating/I want to shake you until you die type of loser today. Sigh. I hadn't even gotten to the part yet where I gaze out the window and cry for World War II victims while pretending to be in a music video. And how exactly am I supposed to write an unfinished crappy poem about no one understanding how painful my life is when the friggin' sun is now shining down on everything? Ruined. I yank the windows open to find a bright and warm day below me. Goddamnit, it's not even COLD out anymore. So much for the depression. Oh well.
So instead I shower, put on some makeup, rearrange the furniture, do the laundry and get to work on my various business plans. Maybe there will be a sleet storm or something later on. Just in case, I am wearing black. You never know.

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